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Oh Hi, I’m Over Here Now

December 30, 2011

It’s Peanut Butter KELLY Time, y’all!

What is this?

April 7, 2011

I haven’t been here in forever. I know. I’m back and I’ve redesigned, but I’m not making any promises. Shit is going on in my life and I feel like I need to write about it again. So here I am. This may be a stream of consciousness and not make any sense, but just go with it. It’s been a while.

So for the first time in seven years, I’ve been on a couple of dates. SEVEN YEARS. No exaggerations here and it wasn’t because I was in a relationship. And to be honest, I’m not sure I’m good at dating. Or cut out for relationships. And I don’t mean that in a “I’m putting myself down feel sorry for me” way, I just mean it on a cellular, emotional level, I may not be a “dating type” or a “relationship person,” which I know is not something women are supposed to say. But it might be the truth for me. I don’t like cuddling, I don’t mind going to the movies by myself or killing bugs, I don’t know how to act when you say you can’t keep your hands off me (in public), I don’t know how to respond when you tell me that you “miss me already” when we’ve barely made it through our second date (except with a laugh and an eye roll).

And you’re right, maybe it is just this one guy. But I thought I should write about it anyway, so deal with it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d much rather just date someone who I am already friends with (or not date anyone at all) rather than wade through this awkward getting to know you period where it’s unclear what each person’s motives are, and what they are really like when they aren’t in first-, second-, or third-date mode. If you’re like me, this whole early period is like pulling teeth.

After two dates, am I supposed to know if I even want to date this person? Is it a bad sign to feel indifferent still? My roommate quoted Emily Giffin after I told her how I felt after date two, “The opposite of love isn’t hatred; it’s indifference.” Should two meals, several drinks and approximately nine hours with someone be enough to have an opinion on them? I feel like the answer should be yes.

Perhaps I’m just being to picky about someone who uses “u” and “r” instead of “you” and “are” in texts. Or who may or may not have told me that if he decides to go buy weed during a date to be “jovial” with the dealer’s bitches while I wait outside so they don’t think I’m “highfalutin” (I think hope that was a joke). Or maybe I just don’t know how black gingers (yeah you read that right) operate.

Or I’m just bad at dating. Too much work and I’m only two weeks back into the game. I foresee in my future more third-wheeling and random hookups in cars (trust me, you don’t want to know).

Thanks for listening. I’ll probably perk up soon.

Rising from the Ash Like a Phoenix?

November 17, 2010

That title probably doesn’t make any sense, but that doesn’t matter right now. I’m still alive and since it’s obvious I have failed at blogging, I’m not really concerned about making any sense.

I’m mainly here to tell you that since my job has sucked any and all desire to write anything in this space from me, I’m trying something new. I’m pretty good at the interwebs and delight in sharing all the ridiculous, delicious, wacky, cheese-filled shiz and cat videos I can find.

So, without further ado, please find me aqui.

Hasta luego bishes.

I’m Looking for the Goddess

April 30, 2010

I’m posting this because I want to prove I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet. And also because it’s Friday. And because it is going to be the most spectacular thing you’ve seen since this. And because I’m stoked that it’s finally acting like spring. And because this weekend marks my last work-filled weekend until August. And lastly, because we’re throwing an Impromptu but Kind of Planned Pajama Party with beer + PJs + flip cup + Firefly + us = awesome. SUCCESS! Enjoy…

Happy weekending tweeps!

Distracted and Boring

March 25, 2010

Since I haven’t been writing, well, anything really anymore, I thought I would at least fill you in on what I’ve been doing since I last had any interest in writing here. It’s really not interesting or exciting, which has probably contributed to my lack of posts. I’m not sure what it is that sometimes makes me avoid my own blog like the plague lately, but it’s got to be fixed.

Obviously a post with a boring list is not going to help get things going again, but I’m going to need you to go with it for today and hopefully look forward to something amazing tomorrow? Or the next day? Or next week? Anyway, my life for the past few months has consisted of several things:

  • Working, 6-7 days a week, 8-14 hours a day because working in athletics is a combo of desk job and being at every home event at night and on weekends
  • Fortunately, the weather has begun to get positively spring-like which means a good portion of my work hours have lately been spent in the sunshine which has contributed greatly to my sunglasses tan, my neck tan and what could become is already an epic sandal tan…sandal tan
  • The downside of the working is that, in all seriousness, I may be developing a hunchback. Hopefully my own hot, male version of Esmerelda will fall in love with me when I go to live in the bell tower.
  • Contemplating my future…in my job, in my apartment, as a blogger, etc. I’m sure this will pass once I’ve impressed yet another potential suitor with my gastrointestinal pyrotechnics and told y’all all about it.
  • Reading. I’ve joined a book club. It seems like the right thing to do. I’m currently trying to finish Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford by next Wednesday. I’m also reading Youth in Revolt, and I’ve got another three books waiting on me, including one about poison and the rise of forensics and another about the science of sex (cue animal noises).
  • Being boring. I literally haven’t had a TMI story to share since avoiding barfing in a Mercedes. I mean, what’s life without TMI stories?
  • Not sleeping. It seems I’m in the full grips of some sort of weird insomnia in which my body clock is completely thrown off and refuses to sleep at the hours which normal humans usually sleep. Twin says to get a prescription for some low dose ambien which has changed her life. However, I am very nervous that I’d get addicted and never be able to sleep without it again.
  • In lieu of getting addicted to ambien, I’ve decided to try again to get addicted to running and swimming, which used to be two of my favorite things. I’m guessing it’s not going to help me sleep but at least I’ll literally be a hot mess.
  • I just google image searched “hot mess” and hit the friggin’ jackpot. I mean, this isn’t even the best/worst of what I found…

    hot mess


And on that note, I’m spent. I definitely can’t top that shiz. What has been keeping you busy lately?

I’d Like to Thank the Academy?

March 23, 2010
sunshine award

You like me. You really like me?

Just when I thought I’d run out of things to say and that you guys had finally matured and become bored with my stories about vomit, I’ve had my blog award cherry popped (it is sexual innuendo wednesday after all). I would have prepared a speech, but I honestly can’t remember ever writing anything really worthwhile around here, especially not lately.

No matter, though because not only have I been completely surprised and delighted by getting this award, but it’s been bestowed upon me by one of my favorite bloggy friends, Colby! Sure, we haven’t ever met in real life and if we did, I’d probably attempt to make friends by, say, vomiting on her shoes, but she makes me laugh (probably more than I do for her) and whenever I feel like I’m going to find my best ballpoint and start stabbing jugulars at random, I stop in at her blog and am inspired by her strength, patience and all around awesomeness. But since I think it’d be some sort of faux pas to just continue to pass this award back and forth, I’ll have to leave it at that.

So, it’s my turn…

Maxie @ I Hate So Much: Nothing makes me happier than watching “Blogger Face” and Tiger Week changed my life. I’m pretty sure we could be friends (except for my allergy to cats and agreement that Taylor Lautner looks like a llama). I hate many things but you are not one of them.

Nicole @ More Is Better: I seriously wish I had a life list like hers. Her blog makes me snort and I’m a little jealous I had as many awesome things to write about. I’m also pretty sure she thinks I’m stalking her, which I promise I’m not even though we both live in the Bay Area. This award probably won’t help quell her fears.

P @ Insert My Blog Name Here: Her twitter handle has poptart in it. ‘Nuff said. Oh wait, there’s more. She also cracks me up and will be the first person I’ll notify if I ever make my way over to Scotland. Nothing makes my Hump Day like “Where in the World Wednesday”

Derek @ DShan: Probably the best writer I know. His posts always get me thinking or laughing, or both. If I am ever feeling lost in life, I check out what DShan’s been up to and usually find something to inspire me. He’s just set off on a new adventure and I am totally in awe. I also can’t believe I’m going to be working on Thursday night instead of meeting this guy in real life.

Jenn @ You’ll Grow To Love Me: This girl is crazy cool and always brightening my day with awesome posts about her life in Boston. I’m also insanely jealous that she gets to hang out with so many awesome bloggers all the time.

You all know I have the shortest attention span ever, so that’s got to be it for now. Award winners are supposed to do these things:

  1. put the logo on your blog or within your post
  2. pass the award on to twelve (or not) bloggers
  3. link the nominees within your post
  4. let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog
    Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

Stay tuned for more from me this week because now that I’ve got this award I figure I should do something about it. Cue memory search for hilarious vomit stories I haven’t already shared…

Lastly, I’m nothing but totally flattered. Although this probably means my motorcycle-building, tatted-up husband’s skanky mistress is going to turn up soon, eh? Oh wait…I haven’t got one of those. Winner all around!

That was probably too soon. That’s what she said. Muchas gracias!

You Guys Ready to Let the Dogs Out?

March 9, 2010

So the first of my close friends from college is going to be popping my “friend’s wedding” cherry at the end of the summer. Unfortunately, she did not hire The Dan Band for the reception.

Instead, Wench (which we call her lovingly, of course) has made my day week month year by sending out an email in search of help with her wedding reception playlist.


As you may or may not know, music is one of my most favorite things in the entire universe, along with sports, British people, being a spaz, vomiting at inappropriate times and being easily distracted. Anyway, when we were in college, everyone in our group/house had an important role in our academic partying success. Wench was “The Regulator” and also brought the people to our parties, Twin did the makeups (fortunately for me), Bunkmate played bartender, Curly did hair and I was CD/playlist guru.

Making the perfect playlist was my favorite part of throwing a party. Well, other than the drinking. And maybe the dancing on the coffee table? But I digress.

One of my greatest moments in college came when I put “Jump On It” and “Beat It” in the middle of our Christmas party playlist, creating an epic ugly sweater dance party which led into a brother v. brother MJ dance off. Degree? Oh yeah, I got one of those too.

But anyway, this new task of creating a list of songs for Wench to give to the DJ for the SIX HOUR reception had become my new obsession. I’ve purchased a notebook and plan to keep it with me at all times. Fortunately for Wench, her fiance Double D and the rest of the wedding guests, I plan to put all of the energy I usually waste on that thing called a real job into creating the best list of wedding reception music ever.

Maybe it’s wrong but I’ve already got two mini-notebook pages filled. I bought the notebook today at 3 p.m. I think Wench is just preying on what I think might be some sort of music-induced illness. Either way, I’m gladly accepting suggestions, lest I forget something as awesome as “This is How We Do It” or the musical/dance genius that is “Soulja Boy.” I’ll pick whatever songs it takes to get everyone to get down, and possibly for Wench’s “nightmare” of Double D turning the reception into a Pants Off, Dance Off affair.


My new best friend. Best job ever.

Playing DJ is the best. What would you guys want to hear at a bad ass wedding reception?

Don’t worry, the Baja Men are already on the list.