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They did what? Or, things I learned from MSN today

January 10, 2009

Something I enjoy doing when I probably should be working is going and checking my old hotmail account to see what crazy emails I’ve gotten and, when I sign out, inevitably reading the informative and often ridiculous “news” stories located on

Thursday, I hit the jackpot. Not only did I find out that John Gotti may have dissolved his neighbor in a vat of acid (!) but what can only be considered a very smart panda attacked a man who climbed into his enclosure to retrieve his son’s toy.

Exhibit A

Really? Who does that?

Things to learn from this article:

1. Apparently human flesh is much more fragile than a drum.

2. Always, always check out what your new boyfriend/girlfriend is keeping in the basement.

3. Flesh-eating acid is readily available if you happen to be “connected”

4. NEVER run over your mob-boss neighbor’s kid, accidentally or otherwise.

5. This puts a whole new spin on “Growing Up Gotti.” Uh, kids don’t play with that drum in the basement. It may or may not have flesh-eating acid inside.

Exhibit B



1. This better have been some Tickle-Me-Elmo type toy to warrant climbing into an animal enclosure

2. Gu Gu is the best panda name ever

3. Don’t mess with pandas

4. They had to use tools to pry open the panda’s mouth! Superstrength!

5. Gu Gu would never come into that guy’s house looking for a toy

6. Clearly, the best part of the article is the side note that Gu Gu has attacked before, including the drunken tourist who just wanted a hug and responded to being bitten by biting back (my favorite defensive maneuver).

7. Drunk people are awesome!

8. It was edited almost immediately, but the last part of the photo caption on this article said **CHINA OUT** which I will be adopting as my chosen farewell from here on out.

Mess with him…and he’ll mess you up.panda01


  1. January 11, 2009 12:49 am

    LOL@The panda…i always love pandas, seeing them as these scary big killers actually giving me some new insights

  2. January 13, 2009 3:18 pm

    Hahaha. Next time I’m about to get attacked by a wild animal, I’ll just be sure to bite it back. Awesome!

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