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Don’t Call It A Comeback…

February 24, 2009
Mama said knock you out

Mama said knock you out

I been here for years months/Rockin’ my peers and puttin’ suckas in fear

Sort of?

So maybe I’m not puttin’ suckas in fear, or rockin’ my peers for that matter, but I am back, as is my Macbook (with a new hard drive). This return resulted in numerous potential titles including: Mac Attack, Return of the Mac, Reunited and It Feels So Good, and even My Mac is Back and You’re Gonna Be in Trouble. But, since my Mac actually returned last week, it’s really me who has been absent. I’m not going to throw out any lame excuses, I’m just going to say: My dog ate it.

Moving on, I’m currently watching President Obama’s “State of the Nation” address to Congress, the Supreme Court, the First Lady, etc. Now, the failure I live with my housemate/landlord just so happens to be a seventh-year (yes, that’s right) poli sci major. So here’s the quiz, what is this guy doing right now? A. Intently watching the speech B. Has the speech on in the background C. Is messing around on his keyboard D. “Writing” and “playing” music and “recording” it on his computer with an NBA game on mute in the background in our recording studio living room

Anyone who guessed A. either doesn’t understand sarcasm,Β  just chose A. because that’s the letter your name starts with, or is a poor test-taker. The answer is clearly D, because what else would he be doing? Playing with his dog that is currently laying on my bed? Totally stealing that dog when I move. Although, if I learned anything from the Ellen Show, it’s that stealing dogs is not allowed. Even if you are a crazy lady comic treasure who dances on national TV every day.

Seriously though, does anyone know a good dog smuggler?

Seriously though, does anyone know a good dog smuggler?

Anyway, all dognapping jokes aside, interesting speech. I’m no political analyst so I’m not going to bother. Just a few observations:

1. With all that sitting and standing, Nancy Pelosi is going to have thighs the likes Congress has never seen!

2. Honestly how many presidents have had to carry a sharpie into an address to Congress? This guy is like a celebrity.

3. And I’m pretty sure the guys on CNN just likened him to Kanye West

Anderson Cooper: So does that make the Republicans 50 Cent?

Wolf Blitzer: Yes. (emphatic)

AC: Fitty. I hope I said that right. (that might be a lie)

Well that settles it. Best commentary ever. Although Fitty may now sue CNN for slander. And rightly so.

4. Did anyone else notice the two Republicans parapalegics dudes who refused to stand in any ovation, regardless? Every time CNN panned to show the standing ovation, there those guys were, right on the aisle. Once the guy on the end started to stand but the other guy talked him out of it. Friends don’t let friends stand for Democrats.

5. Favorite moment: Obama mentioned having a bill approved by both Senator Orrin Hatch and Senator Ted Kennedy. The camera cuts to Hatch, who looks both shocked and slightly befuddled to be mentioned and maybe a little disgusted to think of approving any bill that Ted Kennedy supports. He immediately looked down to his copy of the speech, trying to either figure out what was going on or how much longer he had to sit there.

6. The GOP rebuttal: Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana. Probably one of the strangest things I have ever seen/heard. An Indian man with a Louisiana accent. What? Fair enough. Did they plan this so that he could start out by saying “Happy Mardi Gras”? Probably. Did he know I made jambalaya tonight? Hopefully not but Julie Chen Big Brother may be watching.

7. Social media is everywhere here. AC is seemingly amazed by the CNN.com/facebook viewing and subsequent polls. Congressmen in the audience were twittering on their blackberries. Robert Byrd sent a letter via Pony Express.

8. It must be great for BET’s political consultants now that the major cable news channels have decided that they should probably have at least one black person among their presidential analyzers now that we have a black president. In the pregame show they even had a black female political consultant from BET! Finally.

Well that was fun but I’ve got more important things to do, like photoshopping a photo of Orrin Hatch onto Fitty’s face and hiring a dognapper. Glad to be back. More to come tomorrow…

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2 Comments
  1. Caitlin permalink
    February 26, 2009 1:53 pm

    I will totally help you dognap! He is so fucking cute! And fantastic at playing catch!
    Also, I was already madly in love with Anderson Cooper, after this I am maybe going to take that love to obsession level. But not in a creepy way or anything like that. I dont think the man-friend will appriciate me stalking the Silver Fox.
    Come back to the Sunshine State!

  2. holdtheweaksauce permalink*
    February 26, 2009 2:34 pm

    I don’t know if I want to dognap him anymore after he woke me up sniffling and bumping my door at 3:30 a.m. last night. At this point I decide maybe he needs to “do his business” so I go outside with him, where he runs off and won’t come back. Did not return until 8 a.m. It’s called a fence dude.

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