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Friends in Low Places 4: I expect you to drink for all three of us

May 1, 2009

It’s been awhile people, but Friends in Low Places is back. And better than ever? Enjoy…

Dubs: wow, I have no motivation today
Dubs: and by tonight I mean right now at work
Cheddar: you said today
Dubs: omg
Dubs: and now I’m losing it
Cheddar: yeah

Cheddar: we could totally be on that one
Cheddar: casting call – True Life: I’m Awesome
Dubs: hahahahahhaha
Cheddar: are you spectacular at everything you do?
Cheddar: do friends envy your style, personality, attitude and badassness?
Cheddar: have you ever considered a shirt that reads, I’m awesome?
Cheddar: then email us and tell us about how awesome you are
Dubs: check, check, check
Cheddar: exactly
Cheddar: we rule
Dubs: True Life: My friends and I are kick ass
Cheddar: love it
Cheddar: we should pitch these

Cheddar: what do you do after you’ve thrown your hat on the pitch?
Cheddar: what’s the traditional ceremony for the quadruple?
Ginger: shirt trick?
Cheddar: sock trick?
Ginger: i think actually you just throw all your money on the pitch
Cheddar: oh right
Cheddar: that actually makes a lot more sense
Ginger: that was incredible stuff
Cheddar: if anyone ever scored four goals in a game for spurs I think the fans might hold some sort of human sacrifice

Dubs: maybe on the outside, we’d fit that billing, but if you put us in a room w/ some SB dbags, some WC dbags, some SF ones and some LA dbags, we’d stick out
Cheddar: true
Cheddar: plus, we wouldn’t have popped collars
Dubs: word
Dubs: or tank tops
Cheddar: thank god we could kick their asses
Dubs: hahahah
Cheddar: they’d be confused by our lack of wife beaters and hair gel and we’d sneak attack em
Dubs: sneak attack bitch
Cheddar: we’d yell that while standing over their bruised and bleeding bodies

Cheddar: this sounds fun
Cheddar: Lead local guerilla marketing efforts at local games and bars
007: hahahahaha
Cheddar: guerilla marketing
Cheddar: i’ll bring my AK
007: i will so help out your guerilla marketting

Dubs: True
Dubs: but you’re awesome
Cheddar: i know
Dubs: maybe if I got us shirts that say that we’d be better off?
Cheddar: yes!
Cheddar: I’m Awesome tshirts
Cheddar: i like it
Cheddar: let’s have them made though
Cheddar: none of that iron on shit
Dubs: you mean a shirt with letters falling off that says I’m awesome doesn’t really complete the effect?
Cheddar: yeah

Cheddar: Uh, it’s 7:05 a.m. and I’m pretty positive The Roommate just cracked open a beer, as we don’t have any other canned beverages in our house
Cheddar: He then went into the bathroom to take a shower.
Cheddar: I think I once saw something like this on True Life: I’m an Alcoholic. Uh oh…
Cheddar: Good news, I’m probably not living with an alcoholic.
Cheddar: It was (shocker) Mountain Dew.
Cheddar: Although drinking that in the shower is still weird.
Dubs: That you even thought he was drinking beer in the shower speaks volumes about him
007: I almost think beer would have been a better choice.
007: Mountain Dew is not the flavor I want to taste in the mornnig.
007: Plus, can you imagine how that would mix with toothpaste??
Cheddar: You’re assuming he brushes his teeth

Cheddar: i’ve moved on to bigger and better things
Dubs: well we’d have to do a measurement
Cheddar: wow
Cheddar: well I mean, compliance/sports info student asst. vs. head chef?
Cheddar: that’s a step up i’d say
Dubs: Word
Dubs: you can’t eat rule books
Dubs: well you could but they won’t be as good as duck salad

Cheddar: good news, i’ve found something else i can do if i don’t find a job
Cheddar: surrogate
Dubs: I’ll be your lamaze coach!!!
Cheddar: thanks
Dubs: AND your drinking surrogate
Cheddar: naturally
Cheddar: i expect you to drink for all three of us
Dubs: now you’re carrying twins?
Cheddar: no
Cheddar: i meant for you, me and the baby
Dubs: Ooooh
Dubs: well just drinking for the baby is prolly more than I should be drinking
Cheddar: i expect you to have a little baby thimble shot glass along with the full size ones

Dubs: I went to lunch with Jim Halpert (yum bbq) and was like so I heard you, D and Bama had lunch on Friday, how was that? He was like well we only talked about one thing. You.
Dubs: I pressed him slightly for info but he wouldn’t budge.
Cheddar: ugh
Cheddar: do i need to send Bama a card to tell him to get over it?
Dubs: I kind of doubt he was badmouthing me, but am I wrong to think that’s inappropriate?
Dubs: Like I didn’t give them any details, and they’re actually my friends.
Cheddar: well this only proves yet again who had the bigger vagina in that relationship

007: seriously. i am an awkward flirter and I’m awkward at having serious talks. I avoid them like the plague. Which means they happen when I’m drunk, and then i cry
Cheddar: yeah
007: i don’t know why boy keeps me around
Cheddar: because you’re delightful
Cheddar: i’m no good at flirting, regularly intimidate boys with sports knowledge, not used to being hugged or touched and make fun of people immediately after meeting them
Cheddar: so we’re quite the pair
007: yeah, we are pretty much awesome
007: together, we will probably rule the world someday

Dubs: maybe a nicer shirt and jeans
Dubs: not like collared but one of your hot ones
Cheddar: when would any girl ever wear a collared shirt out?
Cheddar: do you really think i’m that fashion-retarded?
Dubs: I just wanted to you to know that’s not what I meant when I said nicer shirt
Cheddar: no shit
Dubs: well then
Dubs: whore
Cheddar: bitch

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One Comment
  1. May 2, 2009 2:11 pm

    Can someone explain to me what’s so cool about popping the collar 😛 Really, school me on that 😀

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