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Old Fleas, Young Fleas, Fleas on Vinyl, Flea Porn…They’ve Got It All

June 9, 2009

First, some housework. Here’s the deal: in honor of, well, the fact that I’m going to be moving somewhere soon, I’m going to have a contest. It’s my first but hopefully it will be awesome. I’m currently at 76 real comments ever in the history of this blog. So, since I’m only 24 away from the triple digits, whoever leaves the 100th comment will receive a glamorous prize which is currently to be determined.

What does this mean for you? Regular commenters, continue being commenting champions. Lurkers? Join in on the fun (I’m convinced that it’s not just Di, LiLu, Andhari and Dubs reading). I promise not to be weirded out that you’ve been internet stalking this blog (I promise, see below). Plus, you could win a prize, just for saying “what up foo?” or for making fun of me. Doesn’t get much easier than that.

Moving on, this weekend was awesome (right up until the vomiting part) because I went with the PI and Bananas to see the 2 Grannies who make amazing blueberry pancakes, then stopped at the flea market and farmer’s market and capped it all off with a trip to the cinema for The Hangover. Needless to say, it was one of the most East TN days I’ve ever had (topped only by the demolition derby).

Sidenote: These two IRL friends had been top secret lurkers here until Saturday and now are either totally ashamed and disgusted to be seen with me and presently staging an intervention OR finally realizing why I still hang out with them despite nearly two years of fart jokes, “that’s what she saids”, ogling of hot chicks and stories about eating too much food. Only time will tell which way they’re headed

Anytime I get a chance to hit up a flea market, I feel obligated to go since I enjoy bargains, useless junk, trashy people and Mexican food. As a certified people-watcher (if only they had some sort of actual certificate for that) flea markets are like a hot-bed for social observation and cell-phone photography opportunities.

Mere minutes into the trip we found ourselves encompassed by nerd mecca/heaven. The proprieter of the “booth” was, I’m pretty sure, this guy:

"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."

"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."

Hundreds of useless action figures, original Nintendo game cartridges, Star Trek figurines and thousands of comic books were for sale. Upon smelling the “closet nerd” scent all over The PI and discovering that he had not heard about AdventureCon coming to town, the comic book nerds who ran the place chuckled to themselves and joked that The PI was “sheltered” and “probably lived in his mom’s basement.” Classic nerd stereotypes! Gotcha!

Nerds can be lame funny too!

Despite the extensive collection and Ewok nightlights, we moved along without purchase. Our next stop was at a strange looking trailer in the outdoor area. We were attracted to the table by the sign that read “Buy 4 DVDs get one free.” We love DVDs! However, upon closer inspection, we realized we had found it…the flea market porn trailer.

Private eyes, they’re watching you.

Flea market porn! You know what that means? Poorly spelled signs and a creepy old Mexican man in a lawn chair across from the door. Clearly, win. The flea market porn trailer is where you go for DVDs of “pregrenent” porn, “midget” porn and even “Jeanna Jeameson,” along with ninja stars and large knives. Basically it’s your one-stop fun-shop.

What could top that? Not much, unless you enjoy previously worn lingerie, bags of bras, kick ass old school vinyl (think: Nancy Sinatra, Perry Como, Pat Boone’s Christmas album), used Ped Eggs, scrunchies, food from Tortillas Tio Conejo (Uncle Rabbit’s Tortillas? mmmm), off-brand permanent markers, unlicensed sports gear, Mexican soccer jerseys, or, well, anything emblazoned with the Confederate Rebel Flag.

Always keep a <b>skarpie</b> handy for autograph signings and whatnot.

Always keep a skarpie handy for autograph signings and whatnot.

As if the flea market wasn’t a big enough thrill, we capped the day with a trip downtown to check out the farmer’s market and see The Hangover. Not that you probably need any encouragement to see the thing, but it was awesome. There was only one point where I thought it went a little off track but it fully redeemed itself in the end. Truly raunchy and hilarious, beginning to end. Plus, you can’t go wrong when Mike Tyson is making an appearance. I mean, honestly all he has to do is speak (see: Mike Tyson’s greatest quotes definitely NSFW)

That is all for now. Comment and win peoples, comment and win.

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5 Comments
  1. June 9, 2009 8:46 am

    “Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.”

    That’s my personal motto.

    (I’m not even kidding.)

  2. June 9, 2009 12:37 pm

    Dude, flea markets are totally amazing. The people are even more interesting than the items.

    To where are you moving? Closer to CA?

  3. June 10, 2009 11:31 am

    Used lingeries? And people actually buy those? I wanna know, oh my god, now I can’t wipe “itchy crotches” outta my head.

  4. June 10, 2009 10:12 pm

    The upset of the day was clearly that Comic Book Man had a Mrs. Comic Book Man. I just hope none of the homemade porn sold next door involves them. One word for that: Squishy.

    If she hadn’t called me sheltered, I might have blown a paycheck on Star Trek figures. Oh God, did I just admit that?

    And really, an intervention? Your coolness got huge. Thatswhatshesaid.

  5. Cheddar permalink*
    June 11, 2009 10:34 am

    LiLu – just replace cheeseburgers with beer, pizza or white cherry icees and you’ve got my personal motto.

    Di – I’m thinking flea markets would be a good place for sociologists to study the human condition. Or backyard wrestling (which also happens there). Moving back to Cali in the next month or so. More on that later.

    Andhari – I am as disgusted as you are. Especially now that you’ve put the “itchy crotches” image in my head. Thank you for that.

    The PI – That was a true upset. Also, if I’m still allowed to sigh, I’m going to sigh at the squishy remark. You did admit it, but at this point I’ve learned there is no filter so I’m not really shocked. I’m also not shocked you just came up with a comment to throw a thatswhatshesaid in there. This is why we’re friends.

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