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Argyle: Redux

September 25, 2009

Part two of two. When we left off we had been drunk, drank some more, jumped on a train, peed in public and had an ass rubbed on us. At The Nurse’s apartment in the Sunset…

We did eat pizza and SS passed out on the floor and Baggage and The Nurse went off to her room. Feeling a little awkward, I attempted to fall asleep on the couch.

Text message, approx. 4:30 am:

Baggage: hey we should leave. her roomie is being stupid.

Me: If you want to. I’m just here cause we’re here.

Baggage: Ya me to (ed. note: lies, lies, lies). It’s not you guys…promise (cough cough)

Me: It’s up to you. She’s your nurse not mine.

Baggage: We’re leaving in like 5.

Either due to the lack of sleep or the copious amounts of alcohol, we set out on foot towards BART instead of, you know, paying for a cab or sleeping where there was a place for us to sleep indoors. Lucky for us, I own an iPhone, otherwise we may have walked in circles for hours. In hindsight, we may have been better off doing that.

After walking out of the Sunset, up past UCSF, through the Castro, past many many homelesses sleeping in doorways, we reached the BART station at around 6 am. BART trains don’t start on Sundays until 8 am. We quickly determined that waiting down at the station entrance (still closed) was a bad idea when we saw a lovely man-lady in a yellow sleeping bag huddled up next to the grate. Fortunately, I keep my prison shiv in my shoe there was a McDonald’s across the street. And it was open.

Not only was it open, it was hoppin’, AT 6 AM ON A SUNDAY. Definitely a sign you’re in a good neighborhood where you aren’t going to get jumped or peed on by a homeless while wearing shorts and argyle sweaters. Despite the creepy vibe, we found our way to some open seats which we realized much later were the kids table, which explains why the table was so low and the stools were so small.

No idea who these kids are. Thanks google for making the internets easy.

No idea who these kids are. Thanks google for making the internets easy.

At the kids table we discussed our new plan which involved more walking but also meant getting the fuck out of the shadiest McDonald’s ever, let the exhaustion set in, and tried to avoid eye contact with all the creepers.

New plan: walk another two miles to the train station, wait for the first train at 8 am, go South to my car, drive my car back across the Bay, pass out (hopefully in that order). We figured it was better than getting shanked at McDonald’s or being beaten by homelesses and left for dead in the gutter.

Off we went for another two miles (bringing our grand total to five), arriving at the train station around 6:40 am, meaning the doors to the building where it was warm were not due to open for at least 20 minutes. Thus, SS and I stopped off at the grocery store across the street to pee (in a toilet! what a concept) and grab food/beverage, while realizing that we had actually come full circle since our night in the City had begun there just 6.5 hours before. Baggage assured us that he wanted to be left on the bench outside but that he did need us to get him a maple bar.

I don’t even want to imagine what the Safeway employees thought of the two of us as we navigated their store, wearing inverse matching argyle sweaters and shorts and flip flops at 6 am on a Sunday when it was around 60 degrees out. Either way, they sold us juice, water and donuts so we were set.

Walking out to find Baggage nodding off on the bench and two kids, who were probably too young to have been left alone with luggage outside of a train station in the City at 6 am, snickering at him was obviously a highlight of the day. As was feeding the pigeons while Baggage hummed/sang “Feed the Birds” for us. We may or may not have given them names. If we did, some of those names may have been people we knew. Needless to say, it was a long wait.

We probably looked a lot like this. Hot mess (of argyle)

We probably looked a lot like this. Hot mess (of argyle)

Another group of young people arrived and demonstrated that they had, in fact, slept that night and probably indoors, as they were loud, chipper and generally making us want to remove their voice boxes and perhaps eyeballs with a rusty spoon. We drew the line at the guy trying to show us magic tricks, trying being the key word. Four failed disappearing cards later, he realized that the death stare, that took nearly all of my energy to muster, was actually intended for him and returned to his side of the waiting area.

At long, long, long last, the train was ready to depart and I attempted to remain focused on staying awake so that I could drive us back home when we did finally arrive at my car. While SS and Baggage slept, I calculated time in my brain and was on the verge of jumping from the moving train when I realized that I would likely be able to sleep for approximately 40 minutes before having to get on BART and go back to the City. That’s right, back to about two blocks away from the train station for Giants-Rockies at AT&T Park. No matter what way I spun it in my head, I determined that skipping the game on my mom’s birthday was not an option. In hindsight, I realize that I definitely have room on my mantle for the World’s Worst Daughter Award and could have proudly displayed it.

Always nominated but never a winner!

Always nominated but never a winner!

So, about 14 hours after Saturday “night” began, the three of us wandered our way down to my car, made the trek back across the Bay and arrived home to find everyone at our house just rising. Words cannot describe the feeling of crawling into your own bed after walking across San Francisco and not sleeping. Many, many words can describe the feeling of waking up 40 minutes later but they aren’t family friendly and we know that’s the kind of blog I run. I’ve got jokes!

And that was the time I drank a lot, wore argyle, drank some more, rode nearly every form of public transport in the City, stayed up all night and nearly walked across the entire city of San Francisco. It was fun but I’m never doing it again. Keep this in mind when reading my late night tweets. If you see anything about trekking across anything, please stop me. I’ll pay you back in high fives and compliments.

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3 Comments
  1. September 26, 2009 2:56 am

    Lol wow, that’s just wow. The fact that you didn’t just stay on that couch and sleep amazes me :p I would be scared lurking around the areas when homeless can easily mug me :p

  2. September 27, 2009 7:20 pm

    When you’re walking in the city, it’s hard to believe that it’s only 6 square miles in total because it feels freakin huge. I’ve done that walk before, and when you add in the fact that it’s not a flat walk . . .Yeah. San Francisco is not flat. Who knew?

  3. May 28, 2010 3:22 am

    Super interesting post! Honestly!

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